


quadrants be wildin

by decearingEgg



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Moirallegiance, quadrants
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23541109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decearingEgg/pseuds/decearingEgg
Summary: unfinished/abandoned/rest in peace
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	1. squaredrangles for the past ten minutes

**Author's Note:**

> dont forget to comment like subscribe and click that notification bell

TG: dude have you been talking about your squaredrangles for the past 10 minutes

TG: i know i rantmumble a-fucking-lot but this isnt a competitive sport at least last time i checked however if it was we all know id be winning so dont even try out -

CG: HOLY SHIT YOU WEREN’T LISTENING TO ANY OF THAT WERE YOU. I THOUGHT YOU WOULD AT LEAST PAY ATTENTION TO SOME OF IT AND THEN TELL ME TO FUCK OFF BUT NO YOU JUST HAD TO KEEP ME HERE SPOUTING TO *MYSELF* AND WAIT 10 BULGECUTTING MINUTES UNTIL IT OCCURRED TO YOUR MINISCULE MONKEY HEADPAN, “HEY, MAYBE I SHOULD LET HIM IN ON THIS LITTLE SECRET CALLED *WASTING MY TIME* AND THEN LEAVE AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK STRIDERS DO OTHER THAN PRETEND TO BE CATASTROPHICALLY “COOL”. DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE QUADRANTS? YOU KNOW, THE ONES I TOLD YOU WERE ARGUABLY THE LARGEST PART OF MY CULTURE AND IF YOU DIDN’T CARE, YOU SHOULD TELL ME NOW AND NOT “KEEP YOUR PEACE”, OR HOWEVER THE HELL THAT DUMB HUMAN SAYING GOES, AND MAYBE SHOW SOME RESPECT TOWARD THE BONDS THAT HOLD MY SPECIES TOGETHER?

TG: bro i know you love hearing yourself talk but at this point it’s ridiculous. this point is of no return in terms of the ridicule scale

TG: also unfortunately i did get some information out of your life long love n drangles public announcement because current events dictate that id like to not cut off my ears and there is honestly nothing better i have to do on this hellish space pebble

TG: like oh my god a quadrant lesson w/karkat at 1:00? i might be able to fit it in my schedule between hours of unrestful partial consciousness and metaphorically picking daisies in the outfield of the baseball game that is my life because ball is life ykno

CG: I DON’T KNOW. LET’S KEEP IT LIKE THAT. 

CG: OH AND GO FUCK YOURSELF IN A HAYSTACK FULL OF HOOFBEAST SHIT.

CG: IF YOU’RE SO GOGDAMN COOL YOU CAN *ENTERTAIN* YOURSELF. 

TG: wait no dont

CG: … 

TG: siiiiiiigh okay so i was listening to like half of it but i got the just of it

TG: you got your sexy love time, your besties quad, your sexy hate time, and the homo that keeps the peace by not holding their peace, they ripped the lease that said no lease, reeses pieces went “hey no-

CG: JEGUS YOU ARE BAD AT THIS. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS A BESTIE.

TG: man maybe geniuses really weren’t appreciated in their time bro i was spitting straight fire

TG: besties is uh, a bastardation of “best friends forever” which can be shortened to the initials bff and is the term used for someones, well, best friend

CG: OKAY. FUCKING FINE. I GUESS A PALEMATE CAN BE SEEN AS A “BEST FRIEND”. BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE CONTEXT AND RESPONSIBILITY THAT MAKES DIAMONDS WHAT IT IS. 

CG: A MOIRAIL *IS* WHO YOU ARE CLOSEST TO. HOWEVER, MOIRAILS TYPICALLY LISTEN TO YOUR TROUBLES AND CALM YOU DOWN. 

CG: LIKE SHOOSHPAPPING.

TG: oh god no

TG: im revisiting the point of no return, my ridiculousness sensors are going off the rails, just absolutely pants-shittingly bonkers

CG: WHAT IS SO ASSBITING ABOUT THE MERE CONCEPT OF SHOOSHPAPPING, ARE YOU FUCKING ALLERGIC? WAIT NO DON’T ANSWER THAT. 

CG: LISTEN. I KNOW YOU KNOW SHIT ABOUT THE QUADRANTS. YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY NOT AFTER HANGING AROUND ME LONG ENOUGH. 

CG: TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY MAKES THE QUADRANTS STRANGE TO YOU.

TG: uuuggggggggghhhhhh

CG: JUST FUCKING TELL ME, YOU ASSWIPE. I DON’T HAVE MAGICAL ALIEN ABILITIES THAT CAN SENSE EVERY DISTINCTION BETWEEN CULTURES.

TG: why do you want to know, tryina “get in” one of my “quadrants”, karkles?

CG: I AM ***JUST*** *CURIOUS*. IS THAT TOO DIFFICULT TO COMPREHEND, DIPSHIT?

TG: god damn it. okay dope i guess we are doing this, i am gonna explain the shit out of shit i dont know how to explain yet, thisll work out like a slice of cake. a piece of pie. wait i kinda mixed those up. man now i want apple pie…

CG: STAY ON TASK, IDIOT.

TG: cool where were we

TG: oh yeah

CG: WHAT EXACTLY MAKES EACH QUADRANT FOREIGN TO YOU?

TG: uh alright so weve got the heart quad, that shits p simple i dont really not understand anything about that one

TG: the diamond is like, why you gotta put all that focus into one person when you dont have to? idk. i guess i dont know why its needed. if i have some sort of tv show level reveal that i gotta get off my chest, ill maybe talk through it with a bro. fairly straightforward. pity, no, theres no pity unless you feel super bad for someone and no one wants anyone to feel that way about them. 

TG: the hate shit? i dont see it as anything but some hilarious kink thing, but in this case its all of the trolls. all of them. yeah no.

TG: and then the monkey in the middle of the hatedrangle is dumb cuz if the hate-tionship isnt working out then you should just split. if yo wifu is gonna be too evil why keep her

TG: but no instead youre gonna hold onto that spark you may or may not be able to resurrect from when you first got all up in each others bullshit loathing quad and hope that “people can change”

TG: well if its intended abuse then honestly no dont even try to change them get the fuck out of dodge

TG: “oh no my hatelover and i are getting too fucking spicy up in here i simply cant help but go along with the devastating emotional and physical torture, its still my precious bae in that bullying tyrant”

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: HEY DUNCE, THE RELATIONSHIP YOU’RE DESCRIBING ISN’T ACCURATE. YES, YOU SURE ARE TALKING ABOUT AN ABUSIVE SCENARIO BUT ACTUAL “HATELOVERS” AS YOU PUT IT REALLY NEED AN AUSPISTICE IF *BOTH* OF THEM ARE GETTING OUT IF HAND. WHEN BOTH OF THEM ARE INCLINED TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF OR EVEN CULL EACH OTHER. 

CG: AND MOIRAILS, DON’T YOU THINK IT’D BE NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE YOU CAN ALWAYS CONFIDE IN AND TRUST IN EVERY SENSE? THAT WILL CALL YOU ON YOUR BULLSHIT AND LET YOU CALL THEM ON THEIRS? LET YOU HOLD THEM AND LET YOURSELF BE SAFE IN THEIR ARMS? 

CG: ARE YOU SURE YOU UNDERSTAND MATESPRITSHIP THEN? I KNOW IT’S THE CLOSEST COMPARISON TO YOUR ROMANCE, BUT THE LEVEL OF VULNERABILITY DOESN’T REALLY MATCH. THERE’S NO… THERE’S NOT THE SAME PRECEDENT. I’VE COME TO REALIZE HOW NONVIOLENT HUMANS USUALLY ARE, UNLESS YOU’RE EXPLICITLY A “MURDERER” OF SOME SORT, OR FIGHTING IN A WAR. 

TG: that checks out

TG: maybe the moirail shit seems like too much work

TG: and maybe your hate-ship is probably something that used to human-exist in some obscure subculture thing but other than that i dunno

TG: maybe the ashen quadrant is just romantic intervention

TG: my question tho is why are you telling me this shit

TG: like do you get off on it or are you trying to romance me or what

CG: THIS IS IT. THIS IS WHEN I LOSE IT AND KILL YOU. SHUT THE FUCK. UP. ARE YOU KIDDING ME STRIDER? WOULD IT PAIN YOU TO CARE ABOUT WHAT I CARE THE FUCK ABOUT? I KNOW YOUR ONE FUCKING ROMANCE AND YOU SELF-FLAGELLATE AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF LEARNING ANOTHER? HONEST TO GOG YOU ARE BEING SO RETARDED. 

TG: omg

CG: IS THIS WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT, MAKING ME ANGRY? YOU’RE DISGUSTING, WHAT THE HELL.

TG: so describe human romance

CG: THE FUCK?

TG: just do it

CG: FINE, YOU WANT ME TO PROVE I KNOW YOUR SHITTY HUMAN ROMANCE? IT’S MORE OR LESS A COMBINATION OF ALL FOUR QUADRANTS BUT LARGELY VARIES FROM CASE TO CASE, USUALLY RESEMBLING FLUSHED TENDENCIES. DID I GET IT? YES, I DID.

TG: nah

CG: …

CG: ***WHAT?***

TG: you forgot about the typical courting procedures, who should ask who out, what is qualified for getting a second date and what not to do when seducing someone

CG: OH FUCK OFF. GO SUCK A HUMAN BRICK.

TG: hahaha yeah just fucking with you

TG: but seriously

Dave leans in close to Karkat.

TG: why do you really want me to know your quadrants

Karkat’s frown grew. He didn’t know how to feel about this, and backtracked through his memory to find anything specific that might’ve accidentally led him on. The longer he was stared at the more frustrated he became. _WHY AREN’T YOU RESPONDING TO DAVE IS WHAT HE’S IMPLYING CORRECT_

Karkat takes off the offending human’s shades, but before he can curse him out or see what’s under them he is punched in the face. A katana appearifies by his throat. 

The troll is so caught off guard that again he is speechless, but eventually he finds something to say.

CG: … DAVE?

TG: uh

TG: hahaha

TG: my bad

Dave backs off, having already gotten his shades on. However, the sword is still being death gripped by his hands. He himself doesn’t fully understand just how impossible it is in this moment for him to let go. 

Before Dave can run off like his body demanded him to, Karkat beats him to it, and Dave is alone in the way that drowning is terrifying. No one being around to save you. 

He had avoided solitude like one avoids a school bully ever since he set foot on the meteor. It sounded stupid, but he blamed it on the walls. Now that there isn’t a current objective and no familiar place to seek refuge, it’s hard to stay afloat in the sea of his own mind, and that includes not having any of his crow pictures up, or broken swords leaning against his closet, or posters of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. Shit, he misses his crows.

Everything is empty, and if there’s no one around to give him anything, he is too. 

Dave falls to the floor, curling in on himself against the wall. He could blame it on anything other than his dumb ass, but he won’t.

\---

Karkat is so, so, so lost, both physically and emotionally. Why did he not fight back? _WEAK._ How did he know that Dave wouldn’t hurt him? Gogdamn humans and their natural generosity towards anything that breathes. They don’t understand to what extent they pale-flirt sometimes. Usually it pissed him off. 

“Usually” was a long time ago. _ADMIT IT. YOUR IQ IS SO LOW THAT YOU HAVE MANAGED TO PITY STRIDER._ No, shut up. He was acting almost serious, then, in comparison to their other conversations, all of which were bullshit nonetheless. Karkat ran off when he realized how much he wanted to know more about him. Also, he was ashamed that he didn’t even attempt to wield his sickles. _MAYBE I’M GOING INSANE._ Where did his reflexes go in that moment, and how was he going to confront Strider when he saw him next? 

TG: sup karks

That did not take long.

CG: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

TG: okay cool i will, probably, so lemme make this apology quick

TG: uhhh fuck alright um im sorry about kinda sword attacking you and if you dont want to mention it ever again that is more than cool in fact i would personally recommend that like the professional at humanoid interaction i am, in fact if you call this number right now youll not only get one, or two, but three of my generous homemade products called “Dave’s recommendations” thats three recommendations for the price of one, call-

CG: YOUR APOLOGY WAS TOO LONG ANYWAY, ALSO WHY ARE YOU SORRY ABOUT THAT? APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A DOUCHE AND ASKING A QUESTION I HAD ALREADY ANSWERED, ASSHOLE. 

TG: dude what no

TG: jesus just dont tell anyone i sworded you or bring it up ever

TG: cmon karkat help a bro out

CG: ONLY IF YOU TELL ME ALL THE REASONS YOU WEAR THOSE SHADES CONSTANTLY. THERE HAS TO BE MORE THAN ONE. DO NOT BULLSHIT ME I CAN TELL.

TG: holy shit are you kidding me no

TG: i only wear these at all times because they are my favorite gift, from the one and only john egbert

TG: you just do not know when to lay off do you

CG: I’M TELLING ROSE.

TG: no

TG: fuck

TG: why are you like this i gave you the reason that you asked for

CG: WHY WON’T YOU TAKE THEM OFF. THEY ARE DUMB. AND UGLY.

TG: i gotta honor the memory of my mans matthew mconaghey, these shades touched his gaunt face at some point

CG: DAVE.

TG: oh man are you saying my first name this is a christmas miracle

CG: *DAVE*.

TG: what

CG: DO YOU NOT LIKE YOUR EYES OR SOMETHING? YOU CAN TELL ME. I DON’T HAVE TO MAKE IT A HUGE FEDERAL FUCKING PROBLEM.

TG: why do you want to know so bad

TG: hi im karkat i want to know every fucking thing about dave and i even suspect theres more to whatever he does normally like adorning kickass shades all the time because im annoying and want to be the fuckin hero, oh dave tell me your dark backstory, ill be your mental knight-in-shining-armour and kiss you goodnight when you get nightmares senpai, whisper your secrets to me in the pale moonlight,

Karkat blushes.

… hold my hand when i get scared of the boogie monster, he’s gonna beat the shit outta me, oh no, wow karkat you are the best, wow senpai what did i ever do without you by my side

CG: FINE, WHATEVER, I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF SO HARD YOU WAKE UP FROM THE ILLUSION THAT YOU’RE SUCH HOT SHIT. UNFORTUNATELY THE ONLY KIND OF SHIT WILL BE REAL, AND STAINING YOUR CLOTHES. FUCK YOURSELF. 

He releases the breath he was holding during his remark and stormed off before McShitShades could notice his red ears and shaking arms. 

A hand grabs his wrist.

TG: bro cmon of course im not hot shit, im the coolest homo - i mean homie, in the house

TG: your face is a tomato. oh f did i overstep with the whole monologue there i swear i didnt mean any harm like tryina flirt you up homo style or something 

TG: then again im not really known for my tact

TG: or am i? you decide

TG: oh fuck dont cry what

CG: WILL. YOU. STOP?

TG: what no im not gonna let you storm off to brood alone in your room bros gotta stick together, also im not allowing you to leave without telling me what i did wrong so that theres no misunderstanding cuz i dont plan on brooding by myself wondering what i did

CG: LET ME GO TO MY RESPITEBLOCK YOU DICK.

TG: no way hozay

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A HOZAY

TG: stop covering your face

TG: i dunno what a hozay is its just a weird unfounded earth idiom dont change the subject

TG: dude

TG: it sort of looks like youre bleeding from your eyes thats foreboding as all hell

Dave almost flinches when the troll grabs his shoulders but he manages to keep it cool. Okay, maybe he isn’t keeping all that cool. His eyebrows are clearly visible above his shades now and 

CG: DAVE. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS AND ISN’T HOLY. STOP IT. STOP BEING AN OVERLY PALE DOUCHEBAG. 

Haha geez, his skin wasn’t that pa- oh. 

TG: oh

CG: WOW. I HAVE FINALLY RENDERED YOU SPEECHLESS, BUT AT WHAT COST? YOU ARE DRIVING ME *FUCKING CRAZY*. 

CG: I SHOULD NOT EVEN BE DOING THIS, SHOWING YOU MYSELF CRYING LIKE SUCH A PISSGRUBBING WIGGLER. DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I PLATONICALLY HATE YOU RIGHT NOW? NO, YOU DON’T. YOU DON’T GET THAT THE WAY YOU’RE LETTING ME HOLD YOU RIGHT NOW IS YOU LETTING YOURSELF BE VULNERABLE TO ME. I COULD - I - AND YOU ARE JUST LETTING ME DO IT. I LET YOU FUCKING ATTACK ME EARLIER!!! YOU TALK WITH ME AND TELL ME I’M YOUR “BEST BRO”. I DON’T GET IT. I DON’T GET THE WAY YOU COMPREHEND PITY. IT’S LIKE I KNOW YOU AREN’T GOING TO HURT ME AND I YOU AND I BRUSH IT OFF BECAUSE WE’RE BOTH KNIGHTS BUT I HAVE THIS DESIRE TO KNOW YOU, TO KEEP YOU SAFE FROM WHATEVER YOUR PAST WAS, TO JUST GIVE IN AND TELL YOU THAT I…

Dave’s hands go to the ones still gripping his shoulders. 

TG: i hate my eyes.

TG: theyre so fucking ugly

TG: so i dont take my shades off

They stare at each other.

Silence.

Another red trail makes its way down Karkat’s face.

CG: MY BLOOD IS BRIGHT RED, LIKE YOURS. IT’S MUTATED. I’M NOT ON THE BLOOD SPECTRUM, I’M LOWER. 

TG: i dont ever want to accidentally attack you again because im scared that ill lose my mind and think youre the enemy

CG: I DIDN’T MEAN TO GET EVERYONE KILLED. I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THEIR LEADER.

TG: i would rather die than see another dead version of me

CG: I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN LET GAMZEE LOOSE AGAIN. 

TG: i cant work up the courage to ask you or rose for a hug because im really, really, really touch starved

CG: I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT. 

They hug it out like it’s the end of the world. Dragging each other down, they maintain an embrace sitting on the floor, and if Dave was tearing up for the first time in millenia, no one had to know. 

No one but Karkat. 


	2. hugs continued

Despite being in Dave’s arms, Karkat felt sick. 

CG: DAVE, LOOK.

CG: I HAVE NO RIGHT TO PUSH THIS ON YOU. HUMANS DON’T DO MOIRALLEGIANCE. 

CG: I’M PERFECTLY ALRIGHT WITH WHAT WE HAD BEFORE; WE DON’T NEED TO CHANGE THINGS.

TG: show me then

TG: how to be a moirail

CG: … 

TG: karkat

He lifted his head and looked Dave in the eyes. Or rather, the shades.

CG: ARE YOU *SURE?* THIS IS A HUGE COMMITMENT AND I HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING BAGGAGE AND YOU’RE NOT A TROLL AND

TG: im fucking sure

CG: 

CG: OKAY.

TG: okay

CG: … OKAY.

TG: romance me karks

CG: OH SHUT YOUR GROSSASS PINK FACEHOLE. 

TG: hahaha

TG: im not even going to let myself comment on that considering the amount of innuendos i spout like a complete idiot

TG: let it never be said that im not clever as fuck tho

TG: you are gonna get so bromanced 

CG: YEAH WELL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT BECAUSE I’M LITERALLY TEACHING YOU HOW TO “BROMANCE”.

CG: YOU ARE GOING TO GET TAUGHT.

TG: oh shit

TG: you’re right

TG: just wait though the student always surpasses the teacher have you seen any movie

CG: AN ICONIC TROPE. ONE THAT WON’T APPLY TO OUR REAL LIFE SITUATION.

TG: damn

CG: DAMN IS RIGHT. 

They fall into a comfortable silence.

TG: … 

CG: … SO… MOIRAILS TELL EACH OTHER PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING. IT’S A VERY PERSONAL, PRIVATE QUADRANT, THAT INCLUDES - AND HOLY SHIT DON’T PISS YOURSELF - SHOOSHPAPPING.

TG: fuck

CG: AND… WELL, THERE ARE TROLL-EXCLUSIVE THINGS LIKE WHAT YOU CALL “””PURRING””” BUT IT’S MORE LIKE CLICKING AND I *WILL* FIGHT YOU ON THAT, DON’T EVEN START. I AM NOT A MEOWBEAST. 

TG: questionable

CG: NO.

CG: I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND, UM… BEING TOO OPEN? TO ANYONE ELSE, LIKE ROSE… 

CG: OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING, THIS ISNT GONNA WORK OUT AT *ALL*, I CAN’T… ROSE SHOULD BE YOUR HUMAN MOIRAIL.

TG: shut up no

TG: listen rose doesnt know shit, not really i mean she has all these theories and guesses about me because she’s all about her psychoanalyzing and yeah we care about each other cuz were siblings but we

TG: i feel like we used to know each other

TG: now she’s off smooching kanaya so

TG: i mean im happy for her

TG: i

TG: ive never trusted anyone more than i trust you, okay?

TG: which scares the shit out of me

TG: i am just shitting all over the damn place karkat

CG: (OH MY GOG.)

TG: okay yeah ill shut up now

CG: NO FUCK YOU KEEP GOING.

TG: no im all tired ive lost a lot of shit karkles im just pooped

Karkat can’t hold back much longer, and covers his face. 

CG: HAHA - DON’T FUCKING CALL ME THAT YOU ASS HA HAHA 

CG: JEGUS

TG: you just laughed

Dave jumps to his feet and raises his fists in the air and cheers.

TG: it happened YES

TG: you know what this means karkat

The troll responds, looking almost embarrassed. 

CG: WHAT

TG: i can finally rest in peace

TG: yesss

CG: (SNIFFLE)

TG: shit uh i didnt mean um, i was just -

CG: IT’S FUCKING FINE. I’M HAPPY.

Having said that, Karkat chokes up again.

TG: cmere

Dave half hugs him, half pulls him along as they walk, heading to the human’s room. 

TG: honestly who needs walls

TG: in a place as big as this youd think theyd be more generous with their spatial set up

TG: who the fuck designed this place i need to have a word with them

TG: this is serious business if i have to see one more corner being all empty and dark and dusty ill roundhouse kick a bastard

TG: i will remove that bastards pancreas

TG: bid adieu to that diabetes and say hello to excruciating death

TG: damn thats harsh lemme back up

TG: ill kick him as gently as one can when executing a hella roundhouse kick and apologize for my violent tendencies in the presence of disappointing architecture, then take him to the hospital or something

TG: yknow rose told me recently that chuck norris was a racist and i cant think of anything else in my free time now

TG: ive never been more disappointed in my life

TG: my free time is ruined, ill never enjoy a night in with chips and video games again

TG: everytime i take a bite out of a chip ill think about how chuck norris probably ate these kinds of chips once

TG: he didnt deserve those chips, man

TG: he didnt deserve those god damn chips

TG: lit were here

CG: I AM SO TIRED.

Karkat slumps on Dave’s mattress.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THIS. DO YOU THINK THIS IS COMFY?

TG: yo dont disrespect the bed its way nicer than the one i had back in houston

TG: look you asshole the beds offended

TG: he didnt mean it buddy

TG: only dreams now

CG: MY GOG. AND YOU TEASE ME FOR HAVING ORGANIC TECHNOLOGY. DO HUMANS PERSONIFY EVERYTHING?

TG: yes

CG: HHGHHRHGRGGH

TG: do not drool on my pillow

TG: pillow did nothin wrong

CG: YOU JUST SAID “NOTHIN’” INSTEAD OF “NOTHING”.

TG: no i didnt?

CG: YOU DID. YOUR PRONUNCIATION CHANGES. WHY DO YOU DO THAT?

TG: uhhh

TG: thats my accent

TG: i dont do it on purpose sometimes it just happens

TG: i dont really like it

CG: WHICH ONE?

TG: are you going to make me show you each one

CG: YES. AND IF YOU REFUSE I’LL ENCASE YOUR PILLOW IN DROOL WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.

TG: fuckibg hell

TG: ive been trying to cut out the texan drawl since i met my human homies in person

TG: they all have the same kind of, um

TG: yknow

TG: oh man i have to ask rose to do a new york impression

CG: WHAT IS A NEW YORK.

TG: thats where she lived, its known for being americas most iconic city and or state but i think she lived away from all the urban stuff

TG: theres a classic new york city accent

TG: multiple actually

CG: SO WHAT IS THE TEXAN DRAWL?

TG: its uh

TG: *coughs uncomfortably*

TG: its like this

TG: wen yur n houston texas people taulk like this an it makes erryone thinka cowboys n the southern sun

TG: yee haw

TG: okay there are you happy

CG: I LIKE IT.

TG: what no you dont

CG: IT’S FASCINATING. I KNEW OF JADE BLOODS TALKING A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY WHEN THEY ARE IN THE CAVERNS, BUT THIS IS SO MUCH MORE EXTREME COMPARED TO THAT. 

CG: I LIKE IT.

TG: honestly thank god you dont have the imprint of southern stereotyping

TG: the way people were raised kinda all accidentally associated the southern accent with being dumb

TG: i mean most knew that it was rarely the case but

TG: everything sort of went from there

TG: just

TG: dont bring up my accent around other people

CG: ALRIGHT. BUT REALLY, I DON’T MIND IT. 

TG: … thanks

TG: no ones really said that to me

TG: karkat?

TG: oh man

TG: fine sleep on my mattress you verbally pissed on what do i care

TG: at least youre sleeping for once


	3. oh damn are we racist

All was still when Dave woke up. As he rose from the floor and picked up his dirtied pillow, snoring hit his ears. It was amusing, the timbre of bug-like chittering that based the sound. From his Time, he knew that he’d slept five hours, twenty four minutes and three seconds. Not bad. 

Karkat was still sprawled on his admittedly barren mattress, clear as day that he hadn’t slept for a while until now. 

Was Dave going about this all wrong? “This”, being moirails with Karkat. He assumed there was nothing too physically intimate, like kissing, since it wasn’t mentioned.

It was almost as if he didn’t have a layer of irony to shield himself with Karkat. If he wanted to learn to “be vulnerable in order to heal from his supposed mental trauma” (Rose), this would be a better opportunity than ever. 

CG: WHY ARE YOU MUMBLING ABOUT MENTAL TRAUMA? JEGUS, I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR ONE SECOND -

Karkat laughs. It was short and sweet, veering away just enough from scoffing to qualify.

CG: - AND NOW YOU’RE ON THE FLOOR TALKING TO YOURSELF.

Dave honest-to-god shivered. Karkat laughed and it was pretty and he was screwed, so figuratively screwed in the ass. 

CG: WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT. ARE YOU OKAY? SHIT I SHOULD’VE LET YOU SLEEP ON YOUR HUMAN MATTRESS. DOES SLEEP DEPRIVATION MAKE YOU SHAKE? ARE YOU HURT? I’M LITERAL SCUM, FUCK, I’M SO SORRY, MY GOG PLEASE RESPOND I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU. DAVE!

TG: fuck

CG: TELL ME HOW I DID YOU WRONG AND I WILL MAKE UP FOR IT.

TG: no what the fuck you did nothing i just shivered

CG: SHIVERING? THAT WAS THE SHAKING YOU DID? WHY? 

TG: do trolls not shiver

CG: NO.

TG: seriously

TG: okay so shivering happens when its too cold usually

CG: OKAY. THAT’S REALLY STRANGE. ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?

TG: no

CG: “USUALLY”? ARE YOU COLD?

TG: no

TG: … 

CG: OH COME ON THROW ME A BONE HERE WHAT ELSE HAPPENS TO MAKE YOU SHIVER?

TG: chill

TG: i just

TG: dont know how to describe it in the same way i dont know what to call the feeling you get when you hear yourself

TG: you ever listen to a recording of yourself talking and youre like damn thats some weird shit right there

CG: I HEARD MY VOICE ONCE AND VOWED TO NEVER DO IT AGAIN. VIDEOS, PHOTOS, AND MIRRORS WERE ALSO OUT OF THE QUESTION.

TG: dude what you are so pretty

TG: oh shit that was kinda gay lemme back it up

TG: no homo

CG: DON'T PATRONIZE ME. I HAVE NEVER BEEN NOR WILL BE “””PRETTY”””. EITHER YOU'RE AN ACTUAL ASSHOLE OR YOURE BLIND. FUCK IT, YOU’RE PROBABLY BOTH. 

TG: wrong

TG: my assholery is chronic, my shades are ironic, your face is erotic, 

TG: SHIT

CG: PFFFHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Karkat keels over and starts wheeze-giggling at Dave, who is mortified, and gay, but handling the situation better than expected. Dave laughs with him.

TG: holy shit

CG: YOU ARE -HEHEHE- SUCH A STUPID, HAHA! MOTHERFUCKER.

TG: hahaha 

TG: oh my god karkat i figured it out im stupid

CG: TSK HAHA, YOUR DEADPAN DEADPAN JOKES ARE FUCKING DUMB

TG: deadpan deadpan jokes? omg i get it, nice one

TG: look at me im all fangirling right now karkat youre so cool wow can i get your autograph

CG: WHAT’S AN AUTOGRAPH? IS IT A FLUCTUATING DATA CHART?

TG: oh man

TG: no its a signature

TG: do you know what that is

CG: NO.

TG: hahaha dope

TG: its basically when someone writes their name in a fancy or unique way 

TG: and an autograph is what you get when you ask someone to sign their name on something for you, meaning celebrities if you meet them

CG: … I *GUESS* I COULD SEE HOW THAT WOULD BE COOL. HUMANS ARE STILL REALLY FUCKING WEIRD THOUGH.

A pause in the natural flow of conversation takes hold of them. Dave zones out and Karkat looks away and blushes, as if he only now realized what the human said to him.

TG: hey karkat why have i never heard you laugh it is like music

It’s Dave turn to be flustered and he backtracks as best he can.

TG: i mean uh

TG: fuck

TG: okay yeah i meant that 

TG: lmao shit dont blush at me you monster im about to implode in on myself already like some embarrassed 9 year old

CG: DO YOU REALLY THINK I’M, UM, PRETTY, AND THAT MY LAUGH IS NICE? ARE YOU BULLSHITTING ME? TRYING TO RILE ME UP?

TG: no

CG: … 

TG: i double pinky promise

TG: fucking hell man this is my first pinky promise so you know im as serious as shit in a suit

CG: WHAT IS THAT. I DO NOT TRUST YOUR UGLY PINK HANDS.

TG: aw what theyre not pink shut up thats like me calling you black

TG: oh damn are we racist

CG: I MEAN THIS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY PERMAFROST HEART WHEN I SAY: SHUT UP.

TG: okay fine chief whatever you say

TG: dude just

TG: put out your pinky finger

TG: (dayum girl nice claws)

TG: and we hook them together and i say

TG: i promise

TG: yes we did it

TG: my first pinky promise hell yeah

CG: WEIRD.

CG: ALL TROLLS DO WITH THEIR HANDS TO COMMUNICATE IS THE MIDDLE FINGER.

TG: hahaha yooo thats another random similarity between our vastly different cultures

TG: i wonder how much of a constant that is for developed humanoid species

TG: like if youre human shaped you instinctively dont like being flipped off its an inherent part of being bipedal and group oriented

CG: I GET THE FEELING THAT HUMANS HAVE SO MANY SUBCULTURES THEY’RE FALLING OUT THEIR ASS.

TG: couldnt have phrased it better


End file.
